Life is A Series of Struggles and Lulls

“Only dead fish swim with the current.” — Ernest Hemingway

If you’ve been battling upstream struggles, weirs, oceans, and raging torrents in order to not be swept away and forgotten in current affairs and trends that give your life meaning give yourself a big pat on the shoulder. You’re doing life grandly as with every flick of your tail you’ve become stronger, fitter, and happier.

A real healthy salmon is what you are.

But if you’re like me right now where the surge of my fins don’t do much to propel me upstream and instead leave me floundering in weirs, unable to battle the torrents, then this article is for you today.

What? You never thought that I suffer from debilitating arthritis on my fins? Oh, I get it. You see me and think that woman, she’s got it made — well with her miracles and positive mindset and all, she has nothing to worry about. Things always work out for her.

Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not like that for me all the time. Don’t let the Miracles and positivity fool you about me because while those virtues are alive and well in my arsenal, sometimes I too lose it to depressing thoughts and feelings of personal lack.

Take my current circumstances for example.
Up until a few days ago, people loved me;
today I feel that I’m their target.
Up until a few days ago, I felt I was so-so, not bad — an okay Writer.
Today I feel like I’m a fraud, a failure.

I have examples to back this up but before I explain, let me just tell you of something despicable I did yesterday.

So yeah, yesterday I went to my neighborhood fish-shop to buy me some salmon to prepare for dinner. The shop keeper who’s always, and I mean always, so courteous and helpful seemed a bit ticked off by me.

And I really didn’t know why.

I showed him my angry fangs and hissed at him and then, “Tut,” I said and I got out of there without the salmon. But that’s not all, as I walked out I did something that I haven’t done for the longest time. Are you ready?
I talked down to a woman who could have very well been my mother.

“How dare you just stand there, blocking the doorway,” I spit out. “Can’t you see the doorway’s so narrow?”

It was no surprise to me when the old woman didn’t respond. People here are much more forgiving, much more empathetic, compassionate, and pure than any I’ve ever come in contact with.

… I drove home and put together some leftovers which I sprinkled with cheese.
And that’s what we had for dinner.

***

At my house, rummaging through the refrigerator quieted me. I confessed my foible to my husband and confessed again about my trespass to my God. I also cried and in my heart, I asked for forgiveness from that grandmother. I was remorseful for what I had done and know that I have only myself to blame.

I’m pretty sure that last night, that poor grandmother went home and cried for having gotten yelled at for standing in someone’s way, and then she most likely sent a sincere prayer for the impatient woman who was in a hurry at the busy store.

Oh, my heart.
I am so ashamed of myself.
For losing my cool and for taking it out on people who play no part in how I’ve been feeling of late.

And the dear shop keeper… I was feeling rotten therefore I saw things muddled through my already muddled lenses.

I was a stinking dead fish.

And the current that swept me along with it was this:

-hearing the spinning of my proverbial wheels,
-seeing the virtual mean glances of my fellow writers who probably know I’m a fake,
-feeling that I’m being left behind, not seen sometimes.

These are the things that are hurting and making me react so.

It is true — I’ve been trying new things and have increased the number of groups I participate in on social media and as is my nature, I try to do as much as I can in every group.

But I’m coming up short. It has been exhausting and serving only to alter who I am. So I’ve determined to excuse myself from all this overdoing as it’s getting me nowhere.

Previously, I wrote that article about “How close are we to Achieving World Peace.” Read it, I must. My work is not important; my peace of mind is.

I do not like how I behaved yesterday to that lady and the shopkeeper but now that I figured out where the anxiety originated, I will apply measures to alleviate things.

Where I will focus

Everything will not happen the way I want it to happen or at the moment I want it. I’ve always known this. I’m so ashamed that I forgot this crucial lesson.

I’m here to atone for it and if you let me I want to tell you how I will steer things in a direction that is more in line with a less self-important attitude.

Truth is, we’re all prone to overdoing, overthinking things, and believing that we deserve more, when we are doing more. But an even better truth is that we will get what is ours when the moment is right.

I know it.
I desire it.
It’s on its way.

“And just like that, you access creativity by attracting all that you need with your thoughts.” ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Now, I think that I’ve proven to you that I’m an ordinary human. I get derailed and overwhelmed just like anyone else. But I have with me a treasure cove that comes in handy after I pinpoint the upset and make up my mind to set things back on course.

***

It’d be folly to ascertain that it’ll never rain on special days, or that the winds will always blow in our favor. They won’t. I’m vulnerable to those weather conditions just as much as anybody else.

These day to day changes will not stop happening. And the struggles, lulls, and outcomes of things will continue changing how we feel and how we interact with others from day-to-day.

But here’s the thing, there’s one ‘thing’ we can do about it. Something we can change and which we have total control over; we can choose to shift how we perceive situations every day!

Bible reader or not, I believe everyone’s heard the biblical story where Jesus says we can build our house on sand or rock. Well, the house Jesus talks about refers to our emotional stability.

When our house — stability — is built on sand it doesn’t take much to imagine what will happen to that house when the winds and the rains come. Liken the winds and rains to one disappointing phone call, one missed moment, one virtual unfriendly look, what happens? Our house crumbles. The day turns into a bad day. And like what happened to me, we become dead fish adding stench to the environment.

The other alternative, building our house on strong, solid rocks and what do we have? We have a strong, sturdy house. The winds will still come, the rains and strong currents too, but our house will remain standing tall and strong.

No, the bad things don’t stop coming. Ever. But if our emotional stability is strong and sturdy we’ll find that we’re not so vulnerable to those bad circumstances that come our way.

And the reason for this is that our stability rests on something bigger, sturdier, and grander than any storm, drama, current, trend or detour could ever be.

Choosing to make the shift in perception IS Miracle-conducive.
Embrace it or not.

And the way I see the miracle happening is that once we make the shift we come to revere life. Revere it! And that includes detours and dramas and strong winds and that stems directly from the fact that our emotional house is on firm ground.

This is what I know to be true.
This is how it works for me.
This is a valuable lesson I wish to share with you here today.

I was a dead fish yesterday, but I’m determined to remain a healthy salmon from now on.

Do you have a stable emotional house, one you can stay close to and rely on for when the high currents come? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.