1. heavily laden with moisture, waltzes in a capricious March shepherds gales, sunshowers, and hail and her mercurial temperatures by now March has the attention of April, May, June, and any Jane Doe and Joe Blow by the score fed up to the brim with frosty weather and toes and ears long kept hidden, shiver at the sight of mares' tails and *sap mackerel scales in groves that tell stories of an imminent storm but March's still wet behind the ears on when to roll out her bounty teases as she waits for her cue when crocuses cascade down the mountains with the kaleidoscope of hues she knows she best get serious to set the year's show in motion no matter how much winter opposes
*as an adjective, sap is the color between blue and yellow in the spectrum, in other words, green. And wet behind the ears, is an idiom.
These two poems of slightly varying forms were created for Tanka Tuesday:
that was the intent. But I fell short and refrained from entering it there.
You, my gang here, know what a pleasure it is to work with words. But sometimes
we are made humble by what makes it on the page. This is one of those times for
me.
I will not force the words to comply (I’m not an aggressor). But as you read the two
forms would be so kind to tell me which rolls off your tongue better? Thanks.
&&&
2. heavily laden with moisture, waltzes in a capricious March shepherds gales, sunshowers, and hail -- mercurial temperatures by now March has the attention of April, May, June, and any Jane Doe and Joe Blow by the score fed up with frosty bleak weather as toes and ears long kept hidden, shiver at the sight of mares' tails and *sap mackerel scales in groves that tell tales of imminent storms but March's still wet behind the ears on when to roll out her bounty teases as she waits for her cue: crocuses cascade from mountains with the kaleidoscope of hues she knows she best get serious to set the year's show in motion no matter how winter protests
“Oh, Spring is surely coming. Her couriers fill the air;
Each morn are new arrivals, Each night her ways prepare,
I scent her fragrant garment, her foot is on the stair.”
~ John Burroughs
Photo Image by ujeans from Pixabay
Happy new month of springtide miracles and peace.
May everyone see the colors of hope that spring brings.
- Day 19: NaPoWriMo 2024–Stop Hunting Me - April 19, 2024
- Day 18: NaPoWriMo 2024–in my next life let me be a dust moat - April 18, 2024
- Day 17: NaPoWriMo 2024–Total Eclipse of The Heart - April 17, 2024
It is often a challenge to conform to a poetic form. I enjoyed both versions. Keep them both! I know folks who fret even when they don’t intend on writing a ‘form’ and edit until the cows come home… and change the original favor until perhaps the woven pattern is more of an open netting instead of some royal heraldry. We sometimes think we fall short, but when someone else can benefit – let them. Submit!
I’m not sure what form you were going for – I don’t have them all in my head. But I enjoyed them, so just keep writing – enjoy the flow of your words. 🙂
I love working inside the syllabic constrains of poetry. Love how melodious the words sound. Love it. But when we ‘re asked to name the form sometimes I can’t. But you’re right: let the words lead. Thanks Jules. I appreciate you. Blessings.
Cheer for spring!!
I can’t name the parts of grammar – but I write. So I don’t worry about naming poet forms either 😉
I think both of them are great, keep them both. ❤️
Both! Yay. Thanks. Yes, there’s always room for poetry. Always.
There is indeed room for poetry, the more the better. 😉
Beautiful, Selma! 💕🙂
Thanks for the encouragement, Harmony. xo
Beautifully written
‘ppreciate you, dear D.A ❤️
Most welcome
I love your poems, Selma. You were quite clever in your use of green. I enjoyed both versions and am not sure I could choose one over the other. 🙂
I’m so grateful the words even flow my way. So I cannot choose either. 🙈 thanks for the comment. I bless you.
I love both of them, Selma 🙂 I like the use of the word sap.
Sap was a happy find for me too. I like it and glad you appreciated that. xoxo
Beautiful imagery in the poems. Enjoyed reading both, Selma.
Happy you did, Smitha. Thanks for commenting.
They have slightly different rhythms, but both get the message across–you are a close observer of the seasons. I think I like the way the line breaks work in the second one a bit more, if I had to choose. (K)
Second one has the 8 syllable throughout. I like it too. Thanks, K. I bless you.
The rhythm of the second agrees with me a bit more. But they both definitely get the job done and done well. Keepers both.
Keepers, then. Thanks, D. I appreciate you. xoxo
I’m not sure what form you used, Selma. Poetry is subjective to the reader. Syllabic poetry has its own rhythm along with the syllable count. If you’re usually a free verse writer who uses end rhyme, some of the brevity in the syllable count will feel different to you. Both poems are spectacular. You used a syllable count of mostly 8 syllable lines with a few 10 syllable lines. Sometimes the choice of words changes the rhythm, as well. I love them both! <3
Aww, m’lady. Thanks. You give great advice. I appreciate you so much. Thanks for all you do. Hope the site is cooperating once again. I bless you.
My author website is back to normal after switching the theme (again). Some work, some do not. At some point I will have to create an entirely new blog when I’ve used up the storage. Until then, I can limp along. <3
Gambatte ne 😉 💜 🏃♀️ 👏
I like both of. Beautiful words. Now coming spring.
Yes, Raj. These are about Spring. I’m so happy you read and liked them both. Yay 💕
Both poems are beautifully written. Loved the use of the word ‘sap’, dear Selma! 💕
Sap: great word for green, huh?! I’m so glad you enjoyed these. I bless you. Be well, Jane. xoxo
Thank you so much dear Selma! God bless you too!🤗
Selma, moving and reflective poems on this fickle month of March! I like both very much but feel a slight ease in reading and more freedom within the second one. An interesting post allowing us to see both versions and along the way learning to study our own writing, its edits … and add a new word meaning to my list! I had no idea Sap was a colour!
Hey, Annika. Thanks for the cinnamon recipe. Adored even just reading about it. I love cinnamon and for many years now am smitten with the flavor of Vietnam cinnamon (the brand at Costco) it’s a spicy one. Love.
About these poems. Thanks for adding to the conversation. 2 sounds good, I agree.
And about sap, yup, that was news to me as well. Glad I could add some value to you today. Stay sweet. I bless you.
Spicy cinnamon?! That sounds sublime and I will have to see if I can find some here. Every morning I have a mix of granola, berries, nuts, greek yogurt, honey and LOTS of cinnamon! A treat of a way to start the day!
I hope you find it. I sprinkle it in my coffee every day. Truly delicious. xoxo
I prefer the second one. It has more power. I love it how “bounty” and “mountains” come together. Really nice and worthy of any entering.
So glad to hear of your choice. Yay. Thanks. xoxo
Wow, Selma – I had no idea “sap” had that meaning! How beautiful! I think I like the 2nd one a bit more, but it’s close 🙂
-David
Yeah, sap— surprised me too.
Thanks, xo, David. 💜
Beautiful poetry. I like the first form better.
Hey, Mermaid. Nice to meet you and glad for this comment. Your response makes me happy. xoxo
Nice to meet you, too.