Is Your Way Better?

Are you judging me for not advocating your way?

“Be curious, not judgmental.”
— Walt Whitman, Brainy Quotes

Many years ago, when my young men were little boys, we were sitting at a shopping mall, eating ice cream and people-watching when a group of young men passed us. The hair on the heads of the young men was spiked and dyed, and except for their faces, every inch of the skin that we could see, or, that I immediately thought they wanted us to see, was adorned in tattoos.

Luckily for me, it was around Halloween and when my boys asked why they were dressed up like that, I told them, “They’re probably on their way to a Halloween party.”

Yes. That’s what I said.

But what I felt then was different. I felt motherly-love for the youngsters AND I felt bad for them as well. The hair didn’t bother me that much, but the tattoos, which I was sure were permanent, did.

Turning to look at my boys, I thought, for sure, my conservative ways are better.

I was judgmental. And the saddest part of this is that I knew nothing about these young people. Nada!

My boys accepted my explanation and, as kids do, their interest shifted to different things.

Had they remained on the topic of those youngsters they might have heard me express my discomfort and in so doing I might have passed on to them some of my judgmental views.

I’ve autocorrected how I perceive others. I’ve come to realize that I do not need to be comfortable with others’ lifestyle-choices. And you know what, this doesn’t imply in the slightest that I’m advocating their choices.

Judging others takes energy and I’d much rather not spend energy in things I have no business judging as that only pulls me away from the things that really matter to me.

How I made the switch, will probably surprise you as nothing major changed in my mothering. I will tell you because this is available to all who have a desire to change their perception of ingrained teachings we all collect growing up.

I paid attention.
Mostly, I paid attention to the morals I read about in the stories I read to my children. Those books are full of knowledge that I dare say, Mr. Fred Rogers would endorse. I believe they mirror the kindness that dear Mr. Rogers talked about as crucial parenting advice.

According to Caitlin Gibson of The Washington Post, Rogers became a source for parenting advice; she called him “a timeless oracle against a backdrop of ever-shifting parenting philosophies and cultural trends”.[129]

And when I found morsels of time back then for grownup-reading I read inspirational material that was and still is available to anyone.
And all one needs to do is pay attention.
After a while, one finds that embracing diversity is less of a concern or frustration. It prepares us to become capable world citizens.

“Love is an active verb,” said Mr. Rogers.

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring.
Love is an active verb, like ‘struggle.’
To love someone is to strive to
accept that person exactly the way
he or she is, right here and now.” — Mr. Rogers

Love is Love.
Embracing diversity is Love.

THANKS FOR READING.
I Wish You Miracles.

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Selma Martin

I’m a simple woman who dares to see the beauty in ordinary. I’d love to connect with you and like pen pals, I want something beautiful to blossom between us. Will you join me? Selma is my middle name. Its meaning—peaceful, complete, are euphoric affirmations I like to think of myself as having. They compliment the joy I feel when I write. I sincerely hope you decide to join me on my writing journey. I Wish You Miracles.

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